Day 4 - Moonshine

So, the doctors have been trying to find the boy across the hall. He hasn't responded to multiple door knocks or a room search. Taken by the swine???



Our only form of exercise and also the only place we feel it chinactually necessary to wear our masks has been the stairwell which we are pretty sure is a festering cauldron of asbestos. Sometimes the race gets brutal. Watch as Anna takes Chris out on floor 3



Holger smuggled us in some straight up China moon shine. It smells like those gummies you get in Chinatown, but fermented and tastes like the pond water if it sat around in the toilet for too long. It knocked us on our chinasses. Toast to Freedom!



In our stupor we made it to the garden for some caroling America style.



Before our incarceration we were taught how to hand count in Chinese. We were told it would be good for bartering... or counting down to FREEEDOM!

10


9


8


7


6


5


4


3


2


1


Day 3 - Teacher of the Ward A’ Year

It was a dark morning, both outside in the sky and in our hearts. While our temperatures continue to hold steady at Perfectly Normal, our spirits had caught a case of the half way point blues.



So, chinaturally, we did what any persons in our situation would do... hold “Cats in Beijing” auditions in the garden!





Elanore was so inspired by her audition she came back to the room and composed a concerto for two cellos, two beds, two pandas, one hand, and a bag of chips.



Meanwhile, Grant, Chris, and Anna wrote an original composition entitled “Who is Erin Hoover?”



After all this activity, a person certainly needs to freshen up a bit. Our only way to turn down the heat is to take multiple cold showers throughout the day and night. Here is a series of photos of Chris and Grant’s blood splattered shower curtain. Yesterday, Chris chinaccidentally touched it with his head and now we are thinking of quarantining him within our quarantine. Sorry Chris.





Also, Anna has become extra light sensitive




Day 2 - Keep On Rockin in the Free World

That song was chinactually blaring from across the street last night...

So, when Grant tried to acquire food from outside yesterday, he was told “The doctors said only Pizza Hut”. Today we caved and ordered Pizza Hut for lunch.



Then, Chris also joined the Hotel Swine Flu food boycott. Watch as this nurse prepares for Tea Time!!



Quarantea time!!


We shuffled back to our room just in time for our four o’ clock temperature reading. The first is at nine AM. Suprisingly, we are STILL not sick...



Then we thought maybe we should keep house and take advantage of the laundry facilities.



Next, it was time for arts and crafts in the garden. Here is Anna and Panda displaying the fruits of our labors.





Perhaps due to the fact we aren't allowed to open our windows more than two inches, and there is no AC, and all ventilation has been taped shut, we are going slightly insane and have decided to make some commercials we will pitch to major chinadvertising companies after our release.






Day 1 - Spa Day in the Garden of Swine and Flu

We wake up slightly more at terms with our fate. Chris, Eleanor, and Anna go to breakfast. Grant refuses to introduce any Swine Flu Hotel food into his body. Prison Cleanse!!! Don’t worry though. Holger has provided some outside supplies.



We retire to the garden for a rousing game of Set in the blazing sun. To be fair, the garden is acceptable but there is no food allowed. They do allow for card games and photo shoots though!






Eleanor and Anna went to “span the enclosure and rush the limited lines” and this is what happened...





Here is the lobby. It's sort of like living with an abusive boyfriend who keeps buying you presents.



After our second temperature of the day is taken (more on that later) we had happy hour with Jodie Foster. Thank you HBO.



As the night wore on, the Jennifer Lopez movies threatened to never cease.



We dance to El Cantante by J Lo and Marc Antony





Good night sweet Panda










Day .5 - Harrowing Arrival

The Great Arrest - While minding our own business in the Forbidden City, mingling with heat stroke and 30 million other tourists, we received a phone call from Chinauthorities summoning us immediately back to our hotel. A confirmed case of H1N1, which some of us like to call the swine flu, was festering only seats in front of us on our 14 hour flight from New York to Beijing. We had already been made semi-aware of this as men in hazmat suits entered the plane upon landing and pointed temperature GUNS at our heads to make sure we weren't infected.



Fast Forward to emergency packing, bio harzard throat swabbing, and room confinement.



Four hours later, our Emergency Chariot arrives - Chinambulance.



The ride was the most singular and horrible experience of our lives. We became intimately acquainted with the Beijing highway shoulders at TOP speeds. Four humans, two cellos, a keyboard, harmonium, and all of our luggage thrown in the back of a sweating, speeding, siren blaring ambulance.

WTF